Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
