This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
