in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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