i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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