Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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