Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm like, not good at living.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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