Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
