I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
what food is Colorado known for?