I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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