i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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