You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door