she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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