don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
