He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
