Can i not drive my cunt home
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
