dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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