DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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