I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
