Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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