Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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