I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
