I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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