Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
