dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
