I think I am morally bankrupt
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
