If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
