just come out here and I will go home with you...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
