Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am available for nakedness
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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