i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
