the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
