singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
