Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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