omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
