i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
