dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
