fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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