i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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