Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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