just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
