I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
