you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
