I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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