Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He felt like a one man threesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
