No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
