It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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