So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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