I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
