return my video game
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
