I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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