and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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