i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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