"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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