Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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