You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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