The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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