peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
