I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
