It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
