Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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