It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
