Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
