Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
