I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
