Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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