He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
