hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
