Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
