What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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