Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i've created a new STD.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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