we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
