i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
