margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
