dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
