It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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