my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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