If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
