i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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