did you get engaged???
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
