Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
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The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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