my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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