i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
